"Let me see, Phil...I like the Pooh blanket, but it needs something. How about some little tiny plastic jars of honey. Yea, honey. And we should make them honey flavored so babies can taste them. Sweet candy goodness. Oh, and a Velcro backing. Brilliant!"
Then I find out that half the stuff invented to keep baby safe, when placed near your baby, will actually double your chances of baby getting hurt. For instance, the Secure Sleeper (as advertised: the ultimate in safe sleeping for babies) actually creates a mini-minefield of smother spots. While it might look all fluffy and cozy, Consumer Reports says it's made from asbestos, porcupine quills and vodka.
Once again, that might not be 100% true, but that's all I could envision when I was reading the CR warning. I just pictured a tattooed, mohawked baby offering Secure Sleeper naps to other babies. "Hey Peanut! First nap is free. Just try a taste...everybody else is doing it!" Before you know it, our baby is all hopped up vod-bestos naps. The paranoia of protection is already getting to me and I've now discovered that there's a very fine line between protection and insanity. Still, if I ever see that tattooed baby he's going to get what's coming to him.
Side note: When registering for gifts - a daunting task in itself - it's always good to have some fun. Upon being asked if we were registering for 'Baby' or 'Bridal' I gleefully replied, "We gon' do both!" Needless to say, I still wonder what Rachel sees in me.
