Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Ten on Tuesday

For quite some time now our friends in the North Carolina mountains, Eric and Marian, have been posting a little ditty called "10 On Tuesday," where they will reflect about 10 things going on in their lives. Well, Marian is slacking (hin, hint), so here's my first Ten On.

1. We chickened out in getting Tenzin's first haircut on Saturday afternoon. The hippies at work (myself included) had a river clean-up that morning and by the time we had finished, I realized what, exactly, we were about to do. So I faked exhaustion and we said we'd wait until next week to get it cut.

I don't know about Rachel, but I wasn't tired. I kind of like having a little hippie baby. I already went through it once when my little brother was a kid (his nickname was "Lampshade"), so I can do it with my own child. So yea, I'll probably be tired on Saturday.

And the people that mistake him for a little girl are idiots, anyway. Who thinks the baby in the camo pants with a skull-and crossbones hoodie and a black-and-white checkered pair of Vans is a girl? Yes, it's true, Rachel and I are training the future lesbians of Ohio. Sheesh.

2. We're super pumped to have Steven and Ashley fly out in just a month and a half. The trip to DC is going to be a blast [see: spy museum]. We'll be sure to get a ton of pictures. Does anybody know if it's legal to put your kid on Lincoln's lap?

3. Tenzin is now mock-talking, saying the first sounds of any words you want him to say. For example, popcicle is now "popa," bellybutton is "bellbu," and Dad is "beer."

On a side note, it's kind of embarrassing when your wife and 17-month old speak Spanish when they don't want you to know what they're talking about.

4. Rachel and I are in desperate need of an adult night out, but the problem is every time somebody offers to babysit for the night, we just want to go home and sleep. This is usually around 7:30pm.

This parenting thing...it's a whoooole new world.

Maybe one of these days we'll enjoy a romantic 3:30 dinner at Denny's or the MCL Cafeteria. Then we'll go hold hands at the drugstore soda fountain.

5. Gas prices are now insane. If anyone is looking to buy a Ford F-150, I'll sell you ours for a tank of gas.

6. Tenzin loves watching birds from inside his bedroom. Rachel hung up a bird feeder with suction cups to the outside of his window, and now cardinals and finches fly to and from his room. We'll sometimes peek in to his bedroom when he's waking up from a nap and he'll be staring out the window, watching whatever happens to be flying by.

We were even outside one day when the birds were chirping and I could have sworn he said "bird." Then again, he was also with me, so he could have said, "beer."

7. Putting baby clothes into consignment isn't easy. We recently dropped some of the little man's clothes off at local shop (I like to call it Baby Pawn). The next day, I rode by on my bike and saw some of his outfits sitting out front on a rack. I still remember the days and location in which he wore them (poor Rachel...she actually had to sort them out).

If he doesn't stop growing up, he's grounded.

James Money Making Scheme #18c14p: Start a business cataloging children's clothes, putting them into storage pods like an over sized photo album. Then, at their convenience, parents could drop in and reminisce. POM = Portable On-Demand Memories. Mothers would want it and fathers wouldn't understand why they needed to pay for it.

8. I'm looking forward to our stimulus check, because I know some bar-owners that could use some stimulating.

9. This guy is an idiot, not because he gave his 7-year old son alcohol, but because he spent $7.00 on a drink. Always catch your buzz BEFORE going in to the stadium. I prefer Pedialyte Martinis with a playdoh wedge.

So basically, every time you see that Caution: Contents Hot on the side of your coffee cup, now you know why.

10. My lunch is over in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Tenzin's Bedroom...

Rachel and I finally finished decorating Tenzin's big boy bedroom. Since he's no longer technically a "baby," we decided it was time for him to grow up and transition in to a bed, lights and all the other accouterments. As far as art went, we decided to go with the artwork of Joshua Hoffine. Unfortunately, the little guy hasn't been sleeping that well.

Just joking of course, but how scary is this guy? The photograph below makes me want to buy a gun.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Flight of the mashed potatoes...

I had a big/long/elaborate post planned about how I'm now so much more organized and 100x more efficient, thanks to a new pocket planner I've been carrying around, but it seems that after a week and a half in service, it states (sadly) the following:

6 Coke 4 Diet 4 Sprite


Point Break, The Musical

That's it. Nothing more.

The soda was a vending order for work, and the second note hinted at an awesome Broadway production I've been working on in my brain factory. So while I might not be able to put all my ducks in a row, I am, however, pitching ideas to an imaginary production company that specializes in funding crazy.

How's this? Casting for the parts of Bodhi (Kevin Bacon), Johnny Utah (yours truly), FBI Agent Angelo Pappas (Don Johnson), with Lori Petty's character Tyler to be as triplet sisters Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz, and Jessica Alba (in Point Break, The Musical they make out with Johnny Utah for most of the production...there's really not much left of the original plot).

You're sayin' the FBI's gonna pay me to learn to surf?

But I digress...

Efficiency (or lack thereof) aside, things have been crazy and they appear as though they're only going to get crazier. I really need to work on a system for getting everything organized AND continue to post here more often.

It's kind of funny, because I really do feel guilty if I don't write on this thing that often. It's always a lot of fun to reflect on the last day/week/month and look at all the good times and bad. It's a fun, introspective way to see your life; almost medicinal, but always grounding. While the nuances of life might get you caught up in a moment, taking the time to reflect on that moment diffuses any of the bad and intensifies the good.

For instance, this week, we logged four of Tenzin's emotions in 5 seconds. We call it Flight of the Mashed Potatoes...


...turns to anger...

...turns to aggression...

...turns to remorse.

There wasn't any editing, Photoshopping or rearrangement of those pictures. They really were taken in that exact order, right before Rachel was pelted with a plate.

Was it funny at the time? No. But looking back on it after the fact is downright hilarious (although Rachel might have a different opinion).

I miss sharing plate-peltings and other poop-filled happenstance on a more-than-average basis. Maybe I need to try one of the Larson's 10 on Tuesdays. And think about it, if that's just 5 seconds out of our day, imagine what the other 86,395 seconds look like. I need to stop slacking on the blogging and get more of our awesomeness to print (sorry, I can't help it, but our son is the most amazing child on the planet...I am, therefore, obligated to share his genius).

Moving on, like I said it's been another crazy week. So much has happened, but for now, it looks like I only have time for the highlights. Sigh.

We spent Saturday in Jamestown for my Uncle Tim's 50th birthday. As soon as we arrived, we sat Tenzin down with my Grandmother and let him acclimate to his new surroundings (he typically likes to soak everything in before destroying the environs). It wasn't until I plopped him on the couch and saw the picture before me, that I realized I need to stop saying that we need to get him down to his Great Grandmothers' (plural) more often and actually get him down to his Great Grandmothers' more often.

He just sat there content as can be, watching the other youngin's play with their toys. He has this odd patience about him, where he needs to wait until he feels the time is right to join the others. Plus, it's always nice to have a Great-Grandmother's arm around you!

After about ten minutes or so, he was ready. Balloon time!

Little Man loves him some balloons. Most of all, he loves rubbing them with his fingertips and making that loud, chalkboard sound. But I must say, it's a lot better taking a Tenzin-thrown balloon to the head than a Titleist 3 golf ball (Murphy's Law of Parenting #3478: If your son throws a golf ball, block, stool or plate, it will hit your head, elbow, toe nail or knuckle, in that particular order).

Henry and the Rayo's were there, too. Tenzin loves his cousin and would follow him to the ends of the earth if he could. Personally, I love watching Tenzin as he learns from Henry, and likewise Henry as he teaches Tenzin. It's this innocent/naughty give and take of an older generation passing it down to the next. Henry's definitely at the young boy phase of life, whereas Tenzin is still the developing toddler. It's amazing to see that the age gap is so small, but so much can be learned in such a short period of time.

For example, how to burn off that last bit of energy before bedtime. Notice how Tenzin intently studies Henry's footwork, and how Henry has perfected the "energy burn" so well that he begins to liquefy. Very advanced for his age!

It starts out here...

and off he goes!!!

They're so funny together. I can't wait until it's warm enough to go the pool. We really need to start thinking about swim lessons and all the summer stuff that's been in brain hibernation since November. Tenzin and Henry are going to have such a great summer.

Well, lunch is over so it's back to work.

Quick question...does anybody know who designed the sets/costumes for the Lion King? I need somebody to design some over-sized president masks for a bank robbery dance number.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Picture overload...

"I'm ready for school now. I need some book learnin'."

Hit yourself in the head with anything, and he'll give you this:

He smiles when he poops.

As you can tell, he poops a lot.

For survival skills, we'll sometimes put him in the surrounding landscape and make him fend for himself. He came out of this particular bush with a raccoon pelt and a cotton gin. Our boy is a genius.

It was a sweaty adventure.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The more you know...

Tax Season...

Best line I've heard today:

Our CPA tells me that while college is not “mathematically impossible”, my kids might instead want to consider a circus apprenticeship.

via Your Monkey Called

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

You've gotta be friggin' kidding me...

No, he didn't just return from the Mickey Mouse Equestrian Center...
...and no, their parents aren't raising them in an Acme anvil factory...
...their parents are just too lazy to baby-proof a house.

I give you the Thudguard, a helmet for everyday clumsy babies and their neglectful parents.

Thudguard is a revolutionary new product, an infant safety hat, designed to help absorb and reduce the impact of head injuries due to a fall or collision. It is suitable for babies and toddlers aged 7 months to 2+ years.

7 months to 2+ years? Sheesh. Because nothing is more embarrassing than getting your first beatdown in daycare, three years prior to regular classroom contact. And trust me, if he's still wearing that thing in Elementary school, he'll need every square inch of it.

Thudguard has strategically placed ventilation holes to allow heat out but REMEMBER, wearing any headgear can become hot and uncomfortable after too long. It is the parent's responsibility to monitor for overheating - especially in very hot weather.

So don't let your child move or play in the dork hat. They must --at ALL times-- sit perfectly still on a bed of down feathers, surrounded in boppy's, with the scent lavender oil permeating their tender nostrils. Only then will the helmet work.

NEVER allow a child to sleep with the hat on.

But what if they fall out of bed? Or what if they sleep walk? I must protect my walking baby!!!!

Keep away from Fire!


No Cycling, Skating or Skateboarding.

Worst. Helmet. Ever.


Nor good helmet is for grammar, yes. Seriously, it says that verbatim at the bottom of this page.


Because asphyxiation is much better than bruising. By the way, I invented a new diaper that eliminates urine altogether, but sprays poop up your baby's back.


i.e. Don't fall on anything pointy. The Thudguard does, however, protect against pillow attacks, pancake rifles, tinsel, bird chirping and empty bean bags.

"We can't keep them in a bubble all of their lives...but we can aim to keep them safe." -Kelly Forsyth-Gibson, Inventor

Wow. They use that "inventor" title pretty loosely, eh?

Monday, April 07, 2008

Some sad news...

We were afraid that this day would come, but we just received word that our friend's child passed away. The only reason I write this is because some of you have inquired about his condition.

He fought for quite some time, but couldn't keep up with the demands of his illnesses. He was 3 1/2 months old.

He will be laid to rest today. Please say a prayer.

Memorial Contributions
The Nationwide Children's Hospital Heart Center
P.O. Box 16810
Columbus, OH 43272