Some Things I've Learned...

We’re down to the weekly doctor visits from now on. They started last Wednesday and as of right now, everything is right on schedule. At two centimeters (already!), the November 13th due date could be a little closer than first thought. Our OBGYN said that this is perfectly normal, but Rachel and I have already started betting. I’m going with an October 31st date (wouldn’t a Halloween baby be EXTREMELY appropriate?), whereas Rachel says November 5th (Correction: the full moon, not the new moon)) . She heard that hospital births actually increase during the beginning of a new lunar cycle. Anybody care to chime in?

It was another busy weekend in Columbus. Rachel’s friends from work threw her a fabulous shower at Jaime’s house ("fabulous" is the proper word to describe a feminine event, yes?). Good food, excellent gifts, and plenty of games. Everybody’s been so generous. It’s all a bit overwhelming. We’ve got baby accessories we don’t even know how to use.

Some things I’ve learned:

1. A changing table is not a Transformer/GoBot-style table that morphs into a cool car/super hero when you’re done with it.

2. Butt paste is for baby, not Rachel’s butt.

3. Companies will not make adult-size onesies, no matter how much you write and beg.

4. Just because it’s called a “crib,” doesn’t mean your wife will let you “pimp it” ala MTV.

5. Golf was a sport I once, long ago, enjoyed. I’ve been told I’ll miss it.

6. A side car on a 1948 Indian Motorcycle is not suitable for a baby seat.

7. A “stroller” is for strolling. A “jogger” is for jogging. A “sprinter” has not been invented.

8. “Las Vegas” is not a suitable answer to the question, “Where do you want to invest for your child’s college fund?” Same goes for “Reno” and “Atlantic City.”

9. It is less gross to say “Cervical Sandbag,” than it is to say “Mucus Plug.”

10. It is not appropriate to talk to the doctor while she is examining your wife. It is even less appropriate to say “Let me know if you feel a penis” during said examination.

Next appointment is on Wednesday. We’ll let you know if anything else comes up!