Thursday, June 07, 2007

Ashley, Snotty Noses & Faux Pink Eye

First of all, you’ve gotta laugh…Aunt Ashley comes to visit and the only picture I have is her and Rachel with the pizza delivery girl (if only it was only the Hound Dog’s limo).

That was already the second day of her visit and I hadn’t even thought about preserving the rest of the weekend for prosperity. Needless to say, the fact that I forgot to pick up my camera for four days (cardinal sin - didn't even have the batteries charged!) is evidence that we were *actually* able to relax this weekend. It’s been soooooooo long. Oh well, I promise everything else will be on film…like it or not.

But THANK YOU, ASHLEY!!! It’s so nice that she could spend time out here in 40+ degree weather (I’ll have you know that she thinks anything lower than 40 constitutes Arctic Blast status…hehehe). Although we really didn’t do all that much, it was worth every penny. Aside from Rachel getting to see a leafy branch her family, all of whom she misses on a milli-secondly basis, my wifey was able to breathe. Not to mention, watching Ashley smile at Tenzin reminds us how much fun it is to smile at Tenzin. Family always amplifies the joys of parenting. I just hope Ash doesn’t forget our rock climbing rain check. Does California have mountains? I'm not 100% certain, but I think it does. We can’t wait for July!

In other news, I am so proud of my son! He’s only seven and a half months old, but he’s already like his dear old dad.

Did he speak? No.
Did he take his first steps? No.
Did he pee himself and demand another bottle RIGHT NOW? No, that was only in college.
What did he do?!?!?

He convinced his teachers at school that he was sick, without any signs of actual sickness!!! He didn’t even have a test that day! How proud…

It all began Tuesday morning around 11:15 am. Rachel called me from work to inform me that our son had been diagnosed with conjunctivitis.


Anything ending in “itis” normally means that we get to take care of a grouchy, grouchy Tenzin while privy to the horrendous effects of whatever-the-hell-virus will be hitting us in three weeks time....and just because he's 1/10th of my size DOES NOT mean that the virus hits me 1/10th as hard. I'd say the opposite is easily true.

On a side note, watching your sick child is also good gauge of preparatory tissue buying, too. You just see how much fluid is coming out of your little sickling during a 24 hour increment and calculate how many tissue boxes you'll need to purchase, using consumed beer (you, not the baby), acetaminophen, and hydration as variables.

((Tenzin Fluid Snot oz. * Doses of Baby Acetaminophen) – daddy beers) – Actual pints of rehydrative water consumed by dad = Kleenex Boxes ((12oz *3 doses) – 21 beers) – 6 H2O = 9 Boxes

Back to the story...

Fortunately for me, the diagnoser was not an actual physician - she was one of the daycare workers.

Considering our son has never actually been sick as a result of the real world (i.e. outside of daycare, not the MTV show…that programming makes him naturally vomit), I would like to think that these people would/should know their diseases. I mean, I would harvest daycare employees’ stem cells to cure diseases if I could. I can’t even imagine what kind of immune system it takes to work in a virtual Petri dish. Their job is comparable to the guy wiping down plastic playground equipment at the mall. After so long, these people SHOULD know their diseases. Yes?!?!

But noooooo. According to our Doc our son was fussy, not sick.

Although I could understand how easy it is to misdiagnosis our son - given the fact that he detonates joybombs and smile napalm upon contact - I was raging.

For those of you without children, this is what a novice diagnosis costs:

Paid day of daycare: $
Day of missed work for Mom: $
Doctor’s appointment: $
Doctor's note explaining bill-o-health: $
Worry: $$$$$$
Gas for Grandmother/Mother to pick up/drop off: $$$$$$$$$$$
(By the way, thanks for picking him up, Mom).


Who knew that children were emotionally/fiscally/mentally taxing? I swear I'm the first parent in the world to ever go through this (yes this is a joke, Dad).

Also, is it wrong to be upset that your son is healthy? I was seriously angry. Sounds like it's time for another daddybeer.

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