Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
Some Things I've Learned...
We’re down to the weekly doctor visits from now on. They started last Wednesday and as of right now, everything is right on schedule. At two centimeters (already!), the November 13th due date could be a little closer than first thought. Our OBGYN said that this is perfectly normal, but Rachel and I have already started betting. I’m going with an October 31st date (wouldn’t a Halloween baby be EXTREMELY appropriate?), whereas Rachel says November 5th (Correction: the full moon, not the new moon)) . She heard that hospital births actually increase during the beginning of a new lunar cycle. Anybody care to chime in?
It was another busy weekend in Columbus. Rachel’s friends from work threw her a fabulous shower at Jaime’s house ("fabulous" is the proper word to describe a feminine event, yes?). Good food, excellent gifts, and plenty of games. Everybody’s been so generous. It’s all a bit overwhelming. We’ve got baby accessories we don’t even know how to use.
Some things I’ve learned:
1. A changing table is not a Transformer/GoBot-style table that morphs into a cool car/super hero when you’re done with it.
2. Butt paste is for baby, not Rachel’s butt.
3. Companies will not make adult-size onesies, no matter how much you write and beg.
4. Just because it’s called a “crib,” doesn’t mean your wife will let you “pimp it” ala MTV.
5. Golf was a sport I once, long ago, enjoyed. I’ve been told I’ll miss it.
6. A side car on a 1948 Indian Motorcycle is not suitable for a baby seat.
7. A “stroller” is for strolling. A “jogger” is for jogging. A “sprinter” has not been invented.
8. “Las Vegas” is not a suitable answer to the question, “Where do you want to invest for your child’s college fund?” Same goes for “Reno” and “Atlantic City.”
9. It is less gross to say “Cervical Sandbag,” than it is to say “Mucus Plug.”
10. It is not appropriate to talk to the doctor while she is examining your wife. It is even less appropriate to say “Let me know if you feel a penis” during said examination.
Next appointment is on Wednesday. We’ll let you know if anything else comes up!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
DISTURBING
There are many ways to parent.
There is the "funny" parent.
THIS is not funny parenting, even by my standards.
There is the "funny" parent.
THIS is not funny parenting, even by my standards.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Inchworm Shoes!
My apologies that most of these posts are about new baby products (I know not everyone is shopping like we are), but some of the new products on the market fascinate me.
This week, my new obsession is with Inchworm Shoes. They're shoes that grow (up to three sizes) with your children's feet. When I think of how quickly my nephew is growing, I'm scared to buy our baby anything that fits.
The Inchworm Shoe:
In other news, Rachel and I celebrated our first anniversary last night at a wonderful steakhouse, eating steaks, smelling steak smells, gorging ourselves on steak (and chocolate mouse...with steak). It was a great evening.
An amusing sidenote for those outside of Ohio...the All American Quarter Horse Congress is in town for the next week or so. It's the world's largest single breed horse show (what that actually means in size-terms, I'm not quite certain...It's been never since I've cowboyed). Anyway, the cowboys have been given a temporary home, but there isn't a place for the buffalo to roam; because they ate them all. Upon arrival, our waitress informed us that they were out of Top Sirloin, Kansas City Strips, Cowboy Ribeyes, and Porterhouse steaks. Apparently, the vegetarian dishes are not that popular this time of year.
This week, my new obsession is with Inchworm Shoes. They're shoes that grow (up to three sizes) with your children's feet. When I think of how quickly my nephew is growing, I'm scared to buy our baby anything that fits.
The Inchworm Shoe:
In other news, Rachel and I celebrated our first anniversary last night at a wonderful steakhouse, eating steaks, smelling steak smells, gorging ourselves on steak (and chocolate mouse...with steak). It was a great evening.
An amusing sidenote for those outside of Ohio...the All American Quarter Horse Congress is in town for the next week or so. It's the world's largest single breed horse show (what that actually means in size-terms, I'm not quite certain...It's been never since I've cowboyed). Anyway, the cowboys have been given a temporary home, but there isn't a place for the buffalo to roam; because they ate them all. Upon arrival, our waitress informed us that they were out of Top Sirloin, Kansas City Strips, Cowboy Ribeyes, and Porterhouse steaks. Apparently, the vegetarian dishes are not that popular this time of year.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Baby In The Bathroom
What to do, what to do?
You're at the Ohio State/Michigan game with your baby. He/She has a diaper full of Michigan and there's not a changing table in sight. Do you rest him/her comfortably in a urinal? Hand him/her off to a complete stranger? So many decisions...
Ladies and gentleman! Boys and girls!
I give you...THE BABY KEEPER!!!
The Babykeeper is a patent pending infant carrier style seat, that hangs from the stall wall in most public restrooms, and can also be used in many public fitting rooms.
Almost as cool as the Giordani Bambino Carriage. For $2200, it's kind of like buying your baby an Airstream!
You're at the Ohio State/Michigan game with your baby. He/She has a diaper full of Michigan and there's not a changing table in sight. Do you rest him/her comfortably in a urinal? Hand him/her off to a complete stranger? So many decisions...
Ladies and gentleman! Boys and girls!
I give you...THE BABY KEEPER!!!
The Babykeeper is a patent pending infant carrier style seat, that hangs from the stall wall in most public restrooms, and can also be used in many public fitting rooms.
Almost as cool as the Giordani Bambino Carriage. For $2200, it's kind of like buying your baby an Airstream!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Updates...
It’s official…36 days and counting! Rachel is doing everything she can to deal with the stretching and straining that comes with the final month of the third trimester. Almost every day I hear, “I can not get any bigger.” Unfortunately, with a month left, we know that this is definitely not the case. For you folks out in California and Arizona that have yet to see the progress, here’s a few pics to show you our new pumpkin.
The Columbus baby shower pictures are also now available at Ofoto. This link should be able to take you straight to the site. Just click HERE.
The mural in the nursery is finally finished. I think I might have bit off a little more than I could chew with this one. It’s a “block-print” style mural depicting an ocean pier at night. I had borrowed an overhead projector from work to help me stencil the painting onto the wall. After about 25% of it was painted, the bulb blew and I had to change it. After the new bulb was in, I couldn’t (for the life of me) get the picture to line up again and had to freehand the rest of it. Not fun. All in all it took about 7 coats of paint and touch-ups to get the desired effect.
Please ignore the burro piñata in the crib. Now, all we have left is to get a couple of plants, some curtains, and the camcorder and we should be good to go.
We’re also super excited for the Thomas family to make their voyage out Ohio. Rachel’s mom and sister should be here on November 10th, with her brother and dad arriving soon after on the 16th. I hope baby will hold out until then. I still believe we’re going to have a Halloween baby, just because of all the recent movement. A couple of days ago Rachel had her belly exposed and I could actually see the judo chops from all the way across the house. The baby dojo is out of control. He/She has got to be a black belt by now. The Thomas family trip will also be interesting for another reason…it’s going to be OSU/Michigan week. We were scared that they wouldn’t be able to get a hotel room, but it looks like things are going to work out. 100,000+ at the stadium, with another million tailgaters outside, will definitely be a site to see. You can’t really prepare for Michigan week when you’ve never seen it before. My buddy Jared is also trying to acquire tickets for the game, but last time I checked they were going for $2000+ on Ebay. Insanity!
Speaking of which, I’m not sure how many people know the story or not, but this is a good one. After the wedding in Mexico, Jared (my best man) informed us that we needed to give him a nephew, but we had to wait until Thanksgiving. He would be in town in November and it would be perfect timing. Well, after trying for 5 months, it looks everything was panned out just right. Not only can he predict stock prices to a tee, but he can also plan humans! So the Sweitzer’s will be in from Phoenix right around the delivery, as well. Visitors from all over, family, friends and a new baby. What more could we ask for?
And last but not least, congratulations to Chris and Deena on their new daughter. Some of you might remember Chris as a groomsman in Mexico, and Deena as the Universal Life Church-ordained minister of the ceremony. Her name is Lauren Olivia, weighing in at 8 lbs. 3 oz, and 20 inches in length, with 20 hours of labor! What a beautiful baby. We couldn’t be happier for them. Now, on to getting them a playmate…
The Columbus baby shower pictures are also now available at Ofoto. This link should be able to take you straight to the site. Just click HERE.
The mural in the nursery is finally finished. I think I might have bit off a little more than I could chew with this one. It’s a “block-print” style mural depicting an ocean pier at night. I had borrowed an overhead projector from work to help me stencil the painting onto the wall. After about 25% of it was painted, the bulb blew and I had to change it. After the new bulb was in, I couldn’t (for the life of me) get the picture to line up again and had to freehand the rest of it. Not fun. All in all it took about 7 coats of paint and touch-ups to get the desired effect.
Please ignore the burro piñata in the crib. Now, all we have left is to get a couple of plants, some curtains, and the camcorder and we should be good to go.
We’re also super excited for the Thomas family to make their voyage out Ohio. Rachel’s mom and sister should be here on November 10th, with her brother and dad arriving soon after on the 16th. I hope baby will hold out until then. I still believe we’re going to have a Halloween baby, just because of all the recent movement. A couple of days ago Rachel had her belly exposed and I could actually see the judo chops from all the way across the house. The baby dojo is out of control. He/She has got to be a black belt by now. The Thomas family trip will also be interesting for another reason…it’s going to be OSU/Michigan week. We were scared that they wouldn’t be able to get a hotel room, but it looks like things are going to work out. 100,000+ at the stadium, with another million tailgaters outside, will definitely be a site to see. You can’t really prepare for Michigan week when you’ve never seen it before. My buddy Jared is also trying to acquire tickets for the game, but last time I checked they were going for $2000+ on Ebay. Insanity!
Speaking of which, I’m not sure how many people know the story or not, but this is a good one. After the wedding in Mexico, Jared (my best man) informed us that we needed to give him a nephew, but we had to wait until Thanksgiving. He would be in town in November and it would be perfect timing. Well, after trying for 5 months, it looks everything was panned out just right. Not only can he predict stock prices to a tee, but he can also plan humans! So the Sweitzer’s will be in from Phoenix right around the delivery, as well. Visitors from all over, family, friends and a new baby. What more could we ask for?
And last but not least, congratulations to Chris and Deena on their new daughter. Some of you might remember Chris as a groomsman in Mexico, and Deena as the Universal Life Church-ordained minister of the ceremony. Her name is Lauren Olivia, weighing in at 8 lbs. 3 oz, and 20 inches in length, with 20 hours of labor! What a beautiful baby. We couldn’t be happier for them. Now, on to getting them a playmate…
Thursday, October 05, 2006
In the yeeeeaaar twoooooo-thooooousand....
The information age is here and now.
If you want to know why I'm worried about raising a technologically savvy child, click here.
And the worst part is, not only did their son buy it, but he bought the Barbie version.
____________________
Side Note: I promise to have the Columbus baby shower pictures up soon. With no internet at the house, blogging isn't as easy as it used to be. Sorry :(
If you want to know why I'm worried about raising a technologically savvy child, click here.
And the worst part is, not only did their son buy it, but he bought the Barbie version.
____________________
Side Note: I promise to have the Columbus baby shower pictures up soon. With no internet at the house, blogging isn't as easy as it used to be. Sorry :(
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
The mosquito that buzzes loudest...
I was hoping to cool down before posting this, but oh well...
It's official: Rachel and I have met the most annoying couple in the world! Where to begin...
We started our birthing classes last week (including, but not limited to: "Baby In My Body - 101," "Bottle or Breast 203," "Advanced Lamaze - 302," and "Remedial Oh-My-God-8-Centimeters-is-How-Freaking dilated - 401"). Our instructor is nutty (cooking lady Rachel Ray nutty), but a very kind and helpful woman. She's also a registered DULA and a three-time mom, so she understands the need for couples to learn, but at the same time allow them to experience the birthing process on their own. It seems like she'll cover all our bases and I can honestly say that it feels like we've made a lot of progress in our preparedness. We've asked some really good questions and covered a lot of ground. We feel like we're in really good hands.
Now, onto the annoying couple....Ziad and Colleen
I know that hemorrhoids can be common during pregnancy, but I had no idea that they came in human form (coincidental, considering Ziad's name means "growth" in Arabic). They are our newest classmates, and the itch on our birthing mat.
You see, it all began when Z&C arrived to class about 45 minutes late. They didn't give a reason, but I'm assuming it's because the rehab clinic next door was running late on methadone prescriptions.*
*Although that assumption is mean and based entirely on the couple's appearance, it's probably true.
All of us are nervous, first-timer parents yearning for knowledge, so you have to assume that everyone in the class is out to be the best parent they can be, right? I never expected a bad seed in a group like this. So with the room almost full (and having no idea what we were about to do) we happily scooted over our pillows and mats to give them a seat. While I can say that the first 45 minutes of the class went by great, the last 2 hours and 15 minutes took about 3 months.
Some highlights...
1) The beginning
Upon (late) arrival, they proceed to ask questions that had already been covered. Dani, our instructor, calmly explained that she would catch them up after the break. This lasted 45 seconds until they asked yet another, already covered, question. Wash, rinse, repeat every two minutes.
2) Flashback questioning
This is a sophisticated technique of spacing out during a question. Obviously a little bit burnt out, Colleen would ask a Dani something, get distracted by a sparkly item in the room, and then finish the first question with a completely unrelated question she was thinking about. For example, "So if my water breaks and I'm buying some crystal meth....wow, sparkly....you like to fish?"
1/2 one question + second 1/2 of unrelated question = annoying
3) Chuck You
We were asked to get comfortable, so the couples moved to the floor and supported one another on their pillows and mats. This is the point in the evening when Colleen stuck her Chuck Taylor's (likely, at one point, actually owned by Chuck Taylor, himself) in our face. Apparently, Z&C's "comfortable position" was in our laps. This is also a point in the evening when I thought I saw tract marks on her hip. Rachel quickly reminded me that, what might appear to be track marks, could in fact be the baby trying to claws it's way out of the womb.
4) Meditalking
This was a breaking point for me. Whilst relaxed, quietly enjoying Couples' Meditation, Ziad and Colleen proceeded to discuss anything and everything. Given the fact that it was spoken in grunts and burps, I was not able to translate. However, I did acknowledge (during meditation, mind you) that the new seating arrangement had brought me within striking range of Ziad.
5) Basketbalanceball
After the class we had some more questions for Dani. We decided to stick around and get some one on one, since most of the class had been interrupted. During this time, Z&C decided to walk around the classroom and pick up every balance ball by bouncing it the full length of the room to the closet...what felt like 200 yards. At this point, even Dani directed a kindergarten teacher-like stare at both of them. Z&C all but ignored it, mostly due to ball's large size and bounciess (similar to sparkly distraction seen in Flashback questioning). I inform them the balls are more fun in the street.
These are just a few things that were difficult to deal with in class. Now let me be the first to admit that I know that a birthing class is no place for anger. You're with the love of your life, exploring unchartered territory, learning how to welcome a new soul into the world, yet there it was...Anger. This is how I know that Ziad and Colleen are the worst people in the world. Anyone that can ruin a birthing class? C'mon.
After class was finally over (thank you), Rachel and I prayed the rest of the night (less a half hour for the Simpson's). We asked God to spare our lives next class, because it's obvious that there's going to be a fight to the death. Ziad and Colleen will be fine, no worries there, but heaven help the couple that has two seats open next to them, 'cause when that methadone clinic lets out next Sunday....
It's official: Rachel and I have met the most annoying couple in the world! Where to begin...
We started our birthing classes last week (including, but not limited to: "Baby In My Body - 101," "Bottle or Breast 203," "Advanced Lamaze - 302," and "Remedial Oh-My-God-8-Centimeters-is-How-Freaking dilated - 401"). Our instructor is nutty (cooking lady Rachel Ray nutty), but a very kind and helpful woman. She's also a registered DULA and a three-time mom, so she understands the need for couples to learn, but at the same time allow them to experience the birthing process on their own. It seems like she'll cover all our bases and I can honestly say that it feels like we've made a lot of progress in our preparedness. We've asked some really good questions and covered a lot of ground. We feel like we're in really good hands.
Now, onto the annoying couple....Ziad and Colleen
I know that hemorrhoids can be common during pregnancy, but I had no idea that they came in human form (coincidental, considering Ziad's name means "growth" in Arabic). They are our newest classmates, and the itch on our birthing mat.
You see, it all began when Z&C arrived to class about 45 minutes late. They didn't give a reason, but I'm assuming it's because the rehab clinic next door was running late on methadone prescriptions.*
*Although that assumption is mean and based entirely on the couple's appearance, it's probably true.
All of us are nervous, first-timer parents yearning for knowledge, so you have to assume that everyone in the class is out to be the best parent they can be, right? I never expected a bad seed in a group like this. So with the room almost full (and having no idea what we were about to do) we happily scooted over our pillows and mats to give them a seat. While I can say that the first 45 minutes of the class went by great, the last 2 hours and 15 minutes took about 3 months.
Some highlights...
1) The beginning
Upon (late) arrival, they proceed to ask questions that had already been covered. Dani, our instructor, calmly explained that she would catch them up after the break. This lasted 45 seconds until they asked yet another, already covered, question. Wash, rinse, repeat every two minutes.
2) Flashback questioning
This is a sophisticated technique of spacing out during a question. Obviously a little bit burnt out, Colleen would ask a Dani something, get distracted by a sparkly item in the room, and then finish the first question with a completely unrelated question she was thinking about. For example, "So if my water breaks and I'm buying some crystal meth....wow, sparkly....you like to fish?"
1/2 one question + second 1/2 of unrelated question = annoying
3) Chuck You
We were asked to get comfortable, so the couples moved to the floor and supported one another on their pillows and mats. This is the point in the evening when Colleen stuck her Chuck Taylor's (likely, at one point, actually owned by Chuck Taylor, himself) in our face. Apparently, Z&C's "comfortable position" was in our laps. This is also a point in the evening when I thought I saw tract marks on her hip. Rachel quickly reminded me that, what might appear to be track marks, could in fact be the baby trying to claws it's way out of the womb.
4) Meditalking
This was a breaking point for me. Whilst relaxed, quietly enjoying Couples' Meditation, Ziad and Colleen proceeded to discuss anything and everything. Given the fact that it was spoken in grunts and burps, I was not able to translate. However, I did acknowledge (during meditation, mind you) that the new seating arrangement had brought me within striking range of Ziad.
5) Basketbalanceball
After the class we had some more questions for Dani. We decided to stick around and get some one on one, since most of the class had been interrupted. During this time, Z&C decided to walk around the classroom and pick up every balance ball by bouncing it the full length of the room to the closet...what felt like 200 yards. At this point, even Dani directed a kindergarten teacher-like stare at both of them. Z&C all but ignored it, mostly due to ball's large size and bounciess (similar to sparkly distraction seen in Flashback questioning). I inform them the balls are more fun in the street.
These are just a few things that were difficult to deal with in class. Now let me be the first to admit that I know that a birthing class is no place for anger. You're with the love of your life, exploring unchartered territory, learning how to welcome a new soul into the world, yet there it was...Anger. This is how I know that Ziad and Colleen are the worst people in the world. Anyone that can ruin a birthing class? C'mon.
After class was finally over (thank you), Rachel and I prayed the rest of the night (less a half hour for the Simpson's). We asked God to spare our lives next class, because it's obvious that there's going to be a fight to the death. Ziad and Colleen will be fine, no worries there, but heaven help the couple that has two seats open next to them, 'cause when that methadone clinic lets out next Sunday....
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